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I was quick to claim the blame
Working the Steps has been helpful in restoring my damaged self-esteem. When I feel a bit shaky in this department, I’ve discovered that starting with Step Ten, then moving back to Steps Eight and Nine, and if need be, returning to Steps Four and Five, is especially helpful.
Prior to Al-Anon, I’d been a person who was quick to claim the blame. If I could claim the blame, that meant I had caused the problem. If I had caused the problem, I could cure it. If I could cure it, I could control it. If I could control it, I wasn’t powerless and if I wasn’t powerless, I never had to do Step One.
Although I certainly felt powerless when I first found the amazing grace-filled rooms of Al-Anon, I still wasn’t overly eager to do Step One. Admitting my powerlessness, I thought at the time, would only lead me to feeling more powerless.
I have now come to believe, and take great comfort, in Step One because it frees me from causing more harm to myself over things I did not cause, cannot control, and cannot cure. It helps me take myself off the hook and keeps me, as I’ve heard it said in these rooms, “right-sized.”
There is a bumper sticker I enjoy seeing from time to time that states, “God, help me be the person my dog thinks I am.” If I were to print a bumper sticker today, it would say, “God, help me be the person You already see and love, the person You know I can become.”
When I start to feel small and my self-worth begins to suffer, I know working the Steps gives me the ability to surrender my self-esteem into the hands of my Higher Power. When I do that, no other outside opinions of me matter including, and most especially, my own.
By Anonymous, Massachusetts
The Forum, September 2010
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